When I look in the mirror, all that I can see is emptiness inside of me and I ask myself…
Who am I?
On the outside it seems to clear.. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mother, a lover , manager…but who am I?
Every morning when I awake, I tell myself it is time to put on a show..don’t want no one to know, what I feel when I am alone. I can’t let them see the tears I cry.. As keep all my fears hidden deep inside..
I tell myself; I do not know how much more I can take before this life I choose to forsake..
It seems to easy to just end it with pills or a knife.. then I kiss my kids goodnight as I tell myself it is for them I need to continue this fight..
But I am finding it harder to pretend each day.. trying to convince myself everything will be o.k. .. I tell myself that I can’t quit.. that I need to stay strong.. that for them I need to hang on..
As I cry myself to sleep.. I pray for an end to this sorrow.. hopeful for a better tomorrow..
Last night I had a dream.. I dreamed I was buried alive.. I tried to scream.. Everyone I knew was near.. they just stood there and stared.. seeming like to not have cared..
I found it hard to breath beneath the rubble of use to be my life.. All the struggles.. all the pain.. I only had myself to blame..
Suddenly it got dark and it began to rain.. everyone disappeared.. I was left alone.. once again to survive on my own..
I awoke and began to cry.. asked the lord;” how much harder do you want me to try”?
Life it seems to easy to others around me.. they seem so happy.. so in control or do they too put on a show.. so no one will know?
When will I be free.. find the real me?.. She wants to come out.. discover what the meaning to her life is all about.. put an end to all her doubt..
so please tell me if you can.who am I suppose to be?.. what do you see inside of me?