Life

Who Am I?

October 18, 2009

When I look in the mirror, all that I can see is emptiness inside of me and I ask myself…who-am-i
Who am I?

On the outside it seems to clear.. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mother, a lover , manager…but who am I?

Every morning when I awake, I tell myself it is time to put on a show..don’t want no one to know, what I feel when I am alone. I can’t let them see the tears I cry.. As keep all my fears hidden deep inside..

I tell myself; I do not know how much more I can take before this life I choose to forsake..
It seems to easy to just end it with pills or a knife.. then I kiss my kids goodnight as I tell myself it is for them I need to continue  this fight..

But I am finding it harder to pretend each day.. trying to convince myself everything will be o.k. .. I tell myself that I can’t quit.. that I need to stay strong.. that for them I need to hang on..

As I cry myself to sleep.. I pray for an end to this sorrow.. hopeful for a better tomorrow..

Last night I had a dream.. I dreamed I was buried alive.. I tried to scream.. Everyone I knew was near.. they just stood there and stared.. seeming like to not have cared..

I found it hard to breath beneath the rubble of use to be my life.. All the struggles.. all the pain.. I only had myself to blame..

Suddenly it got dark and it began to rain.. everyone disappeared.. I was left alone.. once again to survive on my own..

I awoke and began to cry.. asked  the lord;” how much harder do you want me to try”?

Life it seems to easy to others around me.. they seem so happy.. so in control or do they too put on a show.. so no one will know?

When will I be free.. find the real me?.. She wants to come out.. discover what the meaning to her life is all about.. put an end to all her doubt..

so please tell me if you can.who am I suppose to be?.. what do you see inside of me?

  • kathy October 18, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    Who am I was written by Kathleen Ross, Not Praveen, but thank you to her for posting it..

    • Praveen October 18, 2009 at 6:58 pm

      Oops.. looks like i forgot to change the author name. apologies. made the change now.

  • Stacey White October 20, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Very heartfelt and emotional, innocent and desperate. Life is not meant to be feared my friend. We’re all in this til the end. Life has become a four letter word, especially when we feel we are never heard. Speak up and say how you feel, and everyone will know, and you’ll begin to heal. Ask for help and you shall receive, but only you can make yourself believe. Believe and never give up. You are not alone in your feelings. Know that too.

  • tyesha October 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    this so beautiful, i simply love it

  • AISHWAYA October 25, 2009 at 3:35 am

    THIS POEM IS GREAT

  • Shaz November 5, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Stacey! That was awesome … I love that… so beautifully put together.

  • mouse November 11, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    Very touching but also very true.

  • Noel November 13, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    I am so taken by this lady’s sorrow, and feel her pain so deep that I just want to gather her in my arms to give whatever comfort I could muster. We have all been through this before, and just to let her know that her cry is not unheard beyond the noise we live…I hope this brings some comfort. I happen to just fell somehow into this page, and read this. Karma? It might as well have been written for me in a different context, but with same experience. Such pathos, such torment, and the eternal question of existence…Whoever you are, know this. You are not alone.
    I wish to send you what I wrote for dear friend of mine, and hope you find comfort in the same.

    one day, love will find you.
    you will sit softly in a chair
    and you will drink your wine
    and a smile will never leave your face.
    you will be content,
    you will not be wanting.
    it will not be a knock on your door
    with red roses and fairy tales.
    it will not read like a storybook
    it will not be a hymn or a song
    or a dream run over and over.
    it may not even be there for you to hold.
    you may not see it when it finds you
    but you will know.
    and you will no longer cry
    the kind of tears in your eyes.
    and just then,
    when you could see through those tears,
    you will no longer be looking.
    when you do,
    look me up.
    i will remember your name.
    give me the pleasure to tell you
    i told you so.

  • kathy November 15, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Thank you Noel for your comments and words of encouragement… I think I may have finally found my soul mate recently.. just taking things one day at a time…

  • Y K Hew November 25, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    I love the poem and if it is a true reflection then I have this answer to Kathy’s “who am I?”. You are the giver of life to the children you kissed goodnight. Go on giving life. In so giving you will also receive.

  • Nicci November 30, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    Beautifully writen! It brought tears to my eyes because I have felt the same the past two months, wanting to die…but my kids, keep me strong and keep me going. I hope I get my “happily ever after”. GOD Bless!

  • Indra Maraj June 1, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    I feel i can identify with this woman’s suffering. What i’ve learnt is the only way to know who i am; is by each of the persons involved with me, gives validation to my existence. For them i must make myself worthy………To find the true me………WHO AM I????

  • fiona kelly November 6, 2010 at 6:42 am

    i love it 🙂

  • Mano April 13, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Wow! This poem really hit a nerve with me………… Explained exactly how i have felt all my life. Then i looked at then i looked at the date it was written……My bday.

  • Zodwa April 20, 2011 at 7:56 am

    What a sad poem. i just love it but it realy meke me cry

  • suraj May 29, 2011 at 4:02 am

    I read the feelings ,a poem is a feel .
    and about life ,
    it is like a handful of sand which flow with time ,
    more we tight our hand more it flow,
    so keep it gently ,light, and let it flow in its own way ,
    in the end ,may be some remain in our hand ,
    and that will be who am “i” “me” :- we are in the kids ,children, and our beloved and that is who i am

  • Rashmi July 15, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    This poem touched my heart so deeply that I cried while reading this.May be I am also trying to find out “who am I”.

  • Rafat October 14, 2011 at 12:35 am

    It is really really gud….. while readin ds I jst cnt stop my tears…. 4m nw onwards I m tryin to find ‘who m i’….

  • Kathy October 15, 2011 at 3:57 am

    Mano- for some reason today chose to look at this and the many wonderful comments people have posted. I realized after reading yours that this poem was published on the date that I reunited with an old friend and co-worker that has now been the love of my life and best friend for almost 2 years.
    Best….

  • Destranie Stringfellow April 13, 2012 at 9:26 am

    i can absolutly say that i can relate myself to this poem. it expresses things that i go through on the daily bases. i love this and the woman that wrote this should be very proud of her self.