Life Poems

The Machine I Became

Praveen Kumar Praveen Kumar 2 min read
The Machine I Became

I wrote this after another day where I looked up and it was already evening, and I could not tell you where the hours went. I used to be someone who noticed small things, like rain outside a window, but somewhere along the way I stopped doing even that. This one is not about anyone else, just about how much of the day runs on autopilot now without me deciding any of it. I needed to write it down instead of just carrying it around in my head.

the rain started around six today, i watched it from behind glass instead of under it, another meeting had run long, the evening slipped away before i noticed it was gone;
somewhere between the alarm and the last email, i stopped feeling like a person and more like a routine, wake, move, answer, repeat, even my hands know the motions before i decide anything;
there used to be a version of me who noticed the rain, who stood at the window just to watch it fall, now i check the weather on my phone, and go back to whatever the day still wants from me;
i am not tired the way sleep can fix, i am tired the way a machine gets tired, still running, still doing the job, just quieter inside than it used to be;
tonight the rain is still falling somewhere past the glass, i notice it this time, only because i stopped moving, maybe that is the whole problem, i only remember i am alive when everything else has already gone still;

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